Be the change you want to see in the world. – Mahatma Gandhi, the pioneer of resistance to tyranny through civil disobedience in a completely non-violent way, which lead India to independence and inspired movements for civil rights and freedom across the world.
I find myself currently in the midst of an economic period that includes an overwhelming amount of negative news. I do empathize with the news media as it has become obvious that unless they lather their respective product with the stories of the down trodden, then it’s most likely they will see a dramatic decline in sales. The danger in this of course is that it breeds contempt on the part of those who take this drivel in as part of their steady diet. In other words, if you read or listen to enough of this garbage, your vision of the world will certainly become jaded and increasingly negative. Of course it’s not really your fault because you are forced to listen or watch on a regular basis especially when you are relaxed and your guard is down…BUT…
…you can certainly stop yourself from complaining. Maybe it’s the fact that I have five kids under the age of twelve at the time of this writing that has me on edge…but I can’t stand complaints. It would be less painful if I put a huge chalk board in my house and had someone scratch on it all day! And yes I do mean it! It’s bad enough when kids do this, that’s just a rite of passage to a certain extent, but when adults do it, it’s disheartening. Nothing takes the steam out of my sails more than when I hear an adult launch a series of complaints. The point of this whole matter is that life serves up a steady flow of curve balls and you should be ready for that…what are you really expecting? That each and every day you roll out of bed the stock market will be on an upward tear, the price of your house will have doubled and even better your salary tripled…your kids are all dressed for school and miraculously breakfast is served!! Even if you hang around Disney’s utopia long enough, I’m sure you’ll start complaining about the long lines, it’s too hot, the turkey legs are cold, the merry-go-round makes you dizzy! Madness!
See the real problem here is that our subconscious has been fed the message that it’s ok to complain about anything and everything. Ironically we often complain about the things that we have absolutely no control over whatsoever! I know this might seem like a harmless challenge to stop your complaining, yet it goes much deeper into our previous conversation about commitment. As discussed previously, we recognize that we have an auto response mechanism that once we make a commitment we will automatically bend our behavior to be congruent with that commitment. I would argue that a complaint is actually an affirmation of the way we really feel about something. In other words a commitment of our principles or heart…right or wrong! Think about it, have you ever complained about the behavior of a spouse, family member or friend? (For all of you in denial…that’s a rhetorical question!) Once you express that complaint you make an inherent commitment to that thought and begin to look for only that evidence that will support that original complaint, while completely ignoring any fact that might contradict your faulty complaint. I see this happen in business negotiation all the time where one side will complain, commit to that complaint and completely derail the deal.
So hopefully you see how this all comes together. You must realize that complaining is certainly a mental dragon that is worth slaying! The first step is to recognize that complaining finds its direct roots in the amount of negative news and thoughts you allow to germinate in your head. The next step is to listen to your words…do you complain about how things are and opine on how they ought to be…chances are you’re a chronic complainer. Finally, you must invoke the good cop bad cop technique and tell yourself the truth about your own behavior…be responsible for what you can control, your thoughts and spoken words! If you follow these safeguard steps you’ll open up the opportunity to become a problem solver, and trust me when I say that this will be a much more satisfying way to live because nobody likes a complainer! Especially me!
Tags: Motivation, Self Improvement
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