Prepare to Engage!

Not only is your story worth telling, but it can be told in words so painstakingly eloquent that it becomes a song. -Gloria Naylor, (1950-), a novelist whose book The Women of Brewster Place was adapted into a film by Oprah Winfrey’s Harpo Productions.

Over the past several months I have had some amazing conversations with several people, in of all places, a taxi! There’s really nothing uncanny about the location of these opportunities other than the fact that I made a conscious effort to engage these people in a discussion about their lives. You see everybody’s favorite subject is usually themselves…not necessarily because they want to feed some narcissistic cravings, rather that’s the subject they know best and feel most comfortable discussing. Most people have a great fear of talking about topics outside their comfort zone perhaps because they fear the embarrassment of being wrong or sounding less than knowledgeable…but probe a bit about their life and off they go! Perhaps I’ve been guilty of talking my story at other people for too long and have recently been more lasered in on listening to what other people have to say…and wow what great catches I’ve had fishing like this! I’ve been taken inside the world of a KGB manipulated Russia that concluded with a heartfelt escape of a young family that was forced to leave a father behind as he unselfishly pushed his children in the direction of a better life; I’ve heard the story of an amazing odyssey of a young Iraq native who in the face of his family’s mocking passed through the mujahedin and many desert gun fights as he smuggled himself through Pakistan, to Iran, to Turkey, then Germany to ultimately land upon his dream in America; and most recently I met a great family man who was just struggling to make a better way for himself and his family while trying to hold onto a fragile marriage! Amazing stories that bested any Hollywood production I have seen recently because these people were the real deal!

So what’s the big thought here? It’s best answered with questions: Do you really see who is right in front of you? Do you even stop to take just a few minutes to engage someone in a conversation about who they are? I’ve read a bunch of wonderful books, some that even took me months to read; famous authors like Dostoevsky and Rand who conjured up riveting images of places I would never have seen otherwise, but what about these stories that revealed themselves in less than a 20 minute taxi ride…short stories that have taken me to unbelievable places in record time! The best part of engaging people in their story of origin is that the rule applies to people of all levels of experience…as I have said before I’ve had the privilege of chatting with the former ambassador to Sri Lanka from the United States all the way to a young 20 year old who floored me with his story of recovery from a near death experience, having to learn how to read, write, walk and talk all over again! I would tell you that the best part of engaging people is the humility that you begin to feel as well as the amazing level of wisdom that you gain from each one. You see there is no denying the fact that we get better at anything by simply working at it long enough to make higher levels of distinction…so what a great way to grow by listening to other people!

So now what? Simple task at hand once again…just go talk to somebody! It might be somebody that you have never met before or it might even be somebody living right under your nose! The most important thing to recognize however is that you definitely want to step outside of your comfort level when you do this. I think it’s fine to speak with like minded people with similar tastes, but why stop there? Why not go searching for a conversation that will really stretch your mind…”but I don’t like to talk to people” you’re screaming inside…but I’m not even suggesting you carry the conversation…this is even easier than playing your Ipod! Just ask somebody where they’re from and watch where it goes from there…it’s like having an audio book at your disposal. When they talk about something foreign to you, prod them onward, encourage them to share more…this is some fun stuff! At the very least you will have made them feel good because you are genuinely interested in their story! So rather than going through the rat race motions and putting on that stern, protective scowl, instead prepare to engage the next human audio book when it’s in your face or you just might miss a real bestseller!