Modify Me!

If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking. -Lyndon Johnson (1908-1973), 36th president of the United States, known for legislation that included civil rights, Medicare (government funded health care for the elderly) and Medicaid (government funded health care for the poor).

So now I’m in pursuit of an understanding of neuro-linguistic programming; I know it sounds scary but it’s actually pretty simple stuff. Broken into pieces: neuro=what’s going on in your head; linguistic=what you’re saying and how you say it; and programming=your behavior patterns! Over and over again we hear how all of this is intimately connected and clearly it is, it’s just that most of us never really care to look into it because it sounds like work. I mean really…why take time to understand how we are actually wired when it’s just easier to be lazy, repeat our painful behavior patterns and continue not getting what we want (WARNING: For those of you white knuckled drivers…that was a joke!). But even for those of you who want a quick fix, this NLP stuff in its essence has just that: behavior modification!Now not to undermine all the hard work that Richard Bandler and John Grinder did with respect to putting the information in order that comprises NLP, but is this really anything new and complicated that is inaccessible for the majority? Of course not! It’s just that often times we do things out of common sense or instinct but just can’t seem to label it or name it…then along comes somebody who puts the info in order, calls it something catchy and BANG, we think they hung the moon!But think about it…master communicators have done this stuff since we have walked the earth!

Consider any great leader or not so great tyrant! Let’s assume they we’re ultimately after power and control…well to a certain extent who isn’t? So how did they get the masses to follow; they modified their behavior to capitalize on the underlying current or trend. Consider the not so good, Hitler! He simply played upon the nationalistic desire of the German people to rise once again to a position of prominence and simply harnessed the bitterness formed in the first World War! How about the new United States President Obama? He modified his behavior to ride the dissatisfaction of the American public and even spoke to them through social networking…something his competitor could not even relate to! But let’s bring it down to you…how do you communicate? Let’s assume it’s in a business situation…do you know clearly what it is that you want before you begin talking or do you just start in on your mapless journey? While your communicating with someone, do you even look at their body language, listen to their responses and are you even aware of their behavior? More importantly, if you are not getting your point across or the outcome you desire, do you ever consider exercising some flexibility to modify your behavior? Maybe you’re the person that throws the board game off the table when you’re behind!Maybe you’re the one who slams that door in someone’s face when you’re frustrated and losing the argument! How about getting mad at a client because they just don’t seem to be hearing you…maybe it’s simply the other way around!

The thinking tool here is really simple but maybe the most powerful one yet! I will give full credit to the NLP gang for putting a focus on the word rapport, which in it’s essence is about making a two way connection! That’s right BOTH sides of the story! Actually you could go even deeper and call it a sympathetic understanding. Without rapport in any situation you are really nowhere! Everybody wants to be heard! Trust me, I have to take a large dose of this thinking tool because I’m wired in a very auditory way…that’s a nice way of saying that I just might talk you into surrender! So believe me when I tell you, you are much better off by starting out asking great questions and listening for the answers and then responding with the other person’s concerns and thoughts in mind. The first time I learned this was while I was interviewing for jobs on Wall Street back in the late 80s. I had a solid resume but just could not seem to get anyone to bite until it finally hit me…these guys have such huge egos that they couldn’t care less about me! I then would search for a topic near and dear to them, let them ramble on until they would start to wrap up by asking me if I had any questions…to which I would reply: what is it about me that makes you think I can’t do this job? Pretty easy to diffuse the bomb once the rapport had been solidified…and yes I got 2 offers within one week after I “modified my behavior!” In another taxi conversation, my driver and I, after building our rapport, came to the ultimate conclusion that ALL of this complicated sounding psychology comes back to a simple foundation: THE GOLDEN RULE!

Tags: Motivation, Self Improvement