Dead Beginnings!
Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end. – Seneca (54 BC-34AD), A Roman rhetorician whose studied great orators such as Cicero.
This weekend I was in attendance at a service for my buddy’s mother who has just passed away. I could not have even imagined a more idyllic setting as we all sat in a classic Cape Cod chapel listening to some final thoughts about Dottie! But the one comment that really made me think was a reference to a new beginning. It was expressed that to fully realize our full potential we have to pass through death. Beyond the obvious connotation, I began to think that the concept holds great truth when it comes to personal change! So many of us are seeking real and meaningful change and are trapped in a painful and sometimes hopeless spot where becoming who we really want to be would require the death of who we currently are…and that’s a tough pill to swallow on many levels!
First of all, it would require that we embrace the humility to admit that we just don’t like who we have become.I’m not talking about some public forum where we stand up and admit in a shameful way how we have gone astray…I think that’s fine when we need emotional support through our trials and tribulations. What I’m really thinking about is that moment when we look in the mirror and experience the true humility to admit that we are off track…not anybody else’s opinion of where we should be headed, rather deep inside where we reconcile the difference between what we know we could be and who we are now! Yet every time we get to that point, we take the easy way out because we associate change with embarrassment and I’m going to make a strong argument that public embarrassment could be the greatest fear of all!
Think about it for a moment…are you afraid to make that personal meaningful change because you are afraid of “failure” or the fact that your spouse, your kids, your friends will laugh in your face when you tell them about pursuing what you really dream about! You know the truth…acceptance and reaffirmation are essential for most people…we have craved it since childhood! Think about being laughed at by your parents or worse, other kids in school…I bet those memories are a lot more painful than trying something and not doing well the first time out!
You see, my friend Dottie came from the “old school” as we like to say in Boston. She worked hard and never really cared what other people thought or said about her. She lived below her means and saved her money. She told her kids the way it really was and never pulled punches…I’m sure when she met someone who tried to pull her down she simply moved on. She had the love of her husband and kids, not because she bent like a flower in a stiff wind every time they “wanted,” rather because she stood fast in her beliefs and was unshakable!
So as I drove away from the service I thought to myself…here we go again with another example of a fading generation that is trying to tell us something valuable. What’s even better, is that during the gathering afterwards, she had inspired us to reminisce about family backgrounds and how the old generation lived…there were stories of factory workers who toiled day and night just to make a better way for their kids…and I guarantee you they didn’t worry about what anybody thought!
So at the end of this history lesson, I felt a strong message…if you don’t like where you are then do something about it! Stop extending your arm and blaming somebody else! It’s in your hands, not theirs! The greatest challenge you face is the death of the person you don’t want to be! So start realizing what a wonderful elixir personal humility can be! It’s a remedy that has existed inside of you since the day your where born and it’s only a question of when you decide to tap into it! You know it when you see it on the face of somebody else and yearn for it…so go get it! Over the last thirty days I saw it on the faces of my friends Glenn and Sheila as they cared for Glenn’s mother in her final days! They were at peace as they turned their lives over to someone else and through death found wonderful new beginnings here and now!
This post is dedicated to the memory of Dottie Tobin…thanks for helping us find a our new beginning through yours!
Hi Danny, Thanks for sharing your thoughts of this wonderful woman Dottie. Unfortunately to few of us today are paying attention to our elders and the wonderful lessons they can teach us. Tom Conklin
Thank you, Danny, for the wake up call. I hate calling prospects, but will never fulfill my potential unless I do so. SHARON
I can’t believe it! Just 10 minutes ago (before reading this) I made up my mind to make a new beginning in the way I’m doing business. What an affirmation this MMM was for me! Now I’m really fired up. Thanks, Danny.
Danny:
Very thoughtful and insightful, as usual.
I’m going through one of those periods right now. All of our life experience , good and bad, has lead us to where we are right now. We either learn and change or we do, repeat, do, repeat….., which as I recall is the definition of insanity. I sometimes forget a couple of simple lessons I’ve learned: 1. A change of a single degree from the center of a circle means almost nothing at the start point, but enormous difference as you move in the direction of the outer edge; and, 2. If I want to find the person most responsible for the difficulties in my life, I only have to find a mirror. I taught my kids that, but often forget that it applies to me, too.
I often get overwhelmed with all the things I need to learn and do to become successful in this business. I used to ask my kids what the difference was between eating the smallest pizza in the world and the biggest. None – you can only eat them one bite at a time. So, hopefully, I’m learning patience, too, and focus.
Thanks for another great article.
I really liked your line, “many of us are seeking real and meaningful change and are trapped in a painful and sometimes hopeless spot where becoming who we really want to be would require the death of who we currently are…”
It reminded me of Romans 6:4, the scripture often used in Christian baptism, “We were therefore buried with Him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.
Death of the old is the ONLY way to move along to what is in store.
Thanks Danny for some great inspiring thought and maybe re-direction this morning. The real tough kick in the gut is when we admit our failures to ourselves and not others. Because we own it the pain is greater. Others simply say, “I told you so.” We can’t even speak to ourselves when we trully admit our own failures. We look for others and other circumstances to blame it on. Today we have the greatest opportunity to to be all we are capable of being, or to simply say…”the economy killed my chances.” I wonder what Dottie Tobin would say? I think I know.
Thanks again.
Love this! Going to email it to some of my good friends, what a great focus to start the week. Thanks Danny!
Hay Danny, Thanks for the great message. we can learn from past generations that when times get tough we need to roll up our sleeves and get to work. Gerry O’Connor
Just 3 weeks ago a 41 year old past colleague of my wife and friend of our family committed suicide. 6 months ago a very prominent doctor who worked with my mom at did the same. With the economy the way it is today, it has put a lot of people in a downward tail spin. People are loosing there jobs in record numbers and stores and businesses are closing every day. I was told a long time ago “God brings us into troubled waters… not to drown us…but to cleanse us”.
I have used this whenever life seems to have me down, that maybe it is time for a new beginning or maybe it’s a time to reinvent myself.
Hi Danny ,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Inspiring! Yet another time I think that I have to start again; I have done so in the past; but did not realise that you must break off completely from the past to start a new begining!
Danny,
No matter how tough times can be. You are always there to inspire us all. Amazing lesson in life. Thank you. This is a great way to start off the week.
Darlene Stevens
Use the past as the foundation for the future…past mistakes can be the mortar for the new stone foundation!
Robert!! It’s tough to see people get to the point where their inaccurate thinking can bring them to a point of no return…at the end of the day we can never lose hope that we can turn any challenge into a positive!! Spread these messages and maybe we can help somebody off the edge of the abyss!!
Gerry, you know that hard work has always been your saving grace! Keep that nose to the grindstone!!
Thank you Danny for you inspiational wisdom ,Mary