Can You Relate?

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Assumptions are the termites of relationships. -Henry Winkler (1945-), actor best known as “The Fonz”, in the 1970s sitcom, Happy Days.

Have you ever sat on your couch wondering to yourself…”if I could only meet the right people, they could fill in the blanks for me…they could help me define the path to my goals…clarify the missing pieces”! We all know that we have ideas that make sense, but we just seem to get stuck with how we get help with those few missing steps.

The worst part is that we always seem to find other people getting it done, and for them it seems so effortless! Their success becomes a harsh reminder of our personal prison. Not that we begrudge them their success…well maybe some of you do…but really deep inside we just want our piece of the pie!

So what do we do? Here’s a novel idea…why not copy those people that have already arrived, rather than get mad at them. Okay, well let’s go even further than copying them…why not go build a relationship with them and make them your mentor. You see most people never even think to befriend successful people. They get locked in fear of embarrassment and would never even think to ask for the help and the opportunity to learn from the best!

Well this month I had the opportunity to meet with an uber producer, Gary Keller, the founder of the number 3 ranked real estate company in the United States, Keller Williams. For me, he drove these points home solidly and I’m sure I’ll never be the same. He made it clearly obvious that his success has been accelerated by simply copying the best in his business…but during a private luncheon he made the point that success was really founded upon relationships!

Again, here was the simple wisdom that I have said is always available to all of us, but we seem to look right beyond it as we yearn for a much more complex explanation that makes us feel better so that we can explain away why we have not reached the pinnacle! Think about it, isn’t it easier to say…”oh well, that guy is at the top because he knows the right people…was born into the right circle!” Fine, I understand, but it’s simply not the case. The majority of the top producers have come from nothing…so how did they do it?

Coaching! That’s right! A relationship with a coach, a mentor, a guru whatever you want to call it! I have NEVER met a very successful person that did not learn their craft from someone who came before them…certainly I’m sure we can point to those who have incredible genius like a Mozart or an Einstein, but I’m sure that their interest was stimulated by a teacher somewhere early on!

It still amazes me to see the shock that people display when they find out that Tiger Woods has a coach! What on earth could he possibly learn from a coach…really, are you kidding me! The billions of tiny distinctions that a golfer can make in their golf swing could be overwhelming…how on earth could you do that alone? How about running a company as an entrepreneur? Think about the unlimited amount of tiny details that you could find in your marketing, your technology, your people, your financials and on and on! Is it really a big surprise that so many small businesses collapse?!

Have you ever wondered why the best businesses thrive? Maybe you should consider the relationships that they have built. How about strategic alliances with other companies or consultants that have already gone and accomplished what they would like to? Going back to Gary Keller, you should know that while he was a much smaller upstart he hired a business coach that he paid $140,000 to tell him to “fire himself”! That’s right and guess what…I think it worked…by the way that consultant is now paid $250,000 a year to continue coaching Gary and his juggernaut!

I know there are many top performers that seem completely engrossed in their egos and never seem to give anybody credit other than themselves, but I’m sure along the way they had plenty of help and I wonder how many of those types eventually give away all that they achieved…but not the real players! You’ll recognize them by their humility! They are rarely the “chest-pounding” types and actually love to tell you how easy success really is once you understand the simple secrets!

So what can you do with this thinking tool?  Well, for some of you more social types it might be easy. Just go and meet directly with the people that have what you want! Ask them about the major epiphanies they had along the way. What was the biggest mistake they made and who was the person that helped them course correct? Or even more directly…what was the relationship business or otherwise that set them backwards!

It’s really not that difficult to understand that certain relationships really slow us down and can be down right harmful! I’m not suggesting you just abandon your current relationships, but I am challenging you to think! Are your current mentors the right ones to help you find the yellow brick road? Are your friends the type that are thrilled with your success or nothing more than double-agent saboteurs?

Yet ultimately, I’ll return to you! How is your relationship with you? When you see that picture in your ‘theatre of the mind’ what do you see? Do you see a tumultuous relationship between who you want to be and who you are or is there harmony? You see the real storm is in the mind…all of our other relationships will derive from the self image so start there!  As we said before, start acting “as if” the internal symphony is engaged in a virtuoso type performance and the fog will clear…you’ll see more clearly and will begin to move rapidly in the direction of those that can really help you! Can you relate?