Esteem Boost!

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Low self esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on. -Maxwell Maltz (1899-1975), plastic surgeon, self image expert, and author of The New Psycho-Cybernetics.

According to expert Nathaniel Branden, the definition of self-esteem is the disposition to experience oneself as competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and as worthy of happiness. Yet the part that is most interesting to me is the first component, which is our ability or lack there of, to see ourselves as intelligent enough to survive.

In today’s world we are obsessed with fear and it’s causes…fear of heights, fear of public speaking, fear of creepy crawlers and all things that go bump in the night! However, there it is right in the definition of self esteem itself…the greatest fear of all…perhaps the root of fear itself…it’s our own self concept of whether we are able, or not, to handle the challenges that life offers up!

Think about it…how do you feel when you are faced with a new task, a new way of doing things…do you feel the panic well up inside of you, the frustration that says, ”Why do you have to change now that you have finally become comfortable with the status quo?” Just when you were enjoying your coma, life shows up and throws a monkey wrench in the well-oiled machine!

So that begs the question…why are we so locked in fear? Well perhaps Branden has in fact figured it out…low self-esteem. Maybe now you feel your defense mechanism rising up and you argue that of course you don’t have low self-esteem, look how much you have accomplished. Yet the argument really is founded in how you deal with any and all challenges regardless of your success in some.

We all know plenty of financially successful business people that are train wrecks in other areas of life…perhaps because they don’t have the ‘self-efficacy’ that makes up one part of self-esteem…or in other words they don’t believe they are capable of dealing with anything other than that which has been mastered.

So why do we have such low self-esteem…why don’t we have faith in our own capabilities? The gut reaction or conditioned response is perhaps to look at how we were raised as children. We rationalize that our parents always put us down and never gave us the chance to speak and opine on all things worldly…you know that frustration when you want to kick and scream “nobody listens to me”! Or how about just living in a society that does not promote thinking!

Yet here is where that argument falls short as an adult…nobody is controlling us any longer, so it’s really on us isn’t it? Yet perhaps you next move on to the education excuse, “but I never went to college”, “I never even graduated from high school!” But hold on a minute! Who ever said education starts and stops with organized schooling!  Have you ever noticed which retail stores in the mall are the biggest? Book stores, also the most crowded places in the airport…other than the security line!

These days it’s even easier to get educated. Turn on the computer and there is an ocean of free stuff…you want to know anything about everything, it’s as easy as turning on the switch…you know, the same type of switch that turns on the “goofy box” aka the TV!

So once you shine the light on your rationalizations like a pack of rats exposed for the destructive vermin they are to your life, you’re forced to get real with yourself.  You and you alone are responsible for the fact that you don’t feel capable for one simple reason…you don’t take enough action!

Give me the supposed biggest dummy you can find…maybe you…and I’ll prove to you that you have great thoughts!  Ideas worthy of exploration!  Dreams that might take you in many different directions; yet the shame is that you do absolutely nothing about it!  You never go to the library and open the books!  You never turn on the computer and “Google” the things that interest you!

Will you please stay with me now because this all comes together in a very simple path to follow!  The simple action steps to learn more can be done in private by reading, listening or watching some expert talk about your interests. Yet also, question why you are listening to an ‘expert’!  Are they any smarter than you or are they simply people that had better self-esteem…people that simply believed they could eventually ‘figure it out’…and did!

What happened to these higher self-esteem experts is that they took action…and made mistakes…took none of the failures personally and course corrected.  What do I mean?  They made little distinctions in their brains…learned little lessons that eventually accumulated until we deemed them experts…and guess what happened to them then?! Their self-esteem grew even more!  Why?  Because they became believers that they were capable of figuring out anything!

So let’s bring back the law of consistency to give this thinking tool it’s jet fuel!  Stop consistently rationalizing that you are intellectually incapable regardless of your family and schooling background…that’s useless and self-defeating! There are way too many people challenged in those areas that have overcome and developed high self-esteem!

Next…learn! About anything…even if you think it’s ridiculous…because to you it’s not! Keep it a secret…who cares about approval from friends and family!  I guarantee you there are thousands of people on the internet that are into exactly what you are and can’t wait to teach you about it!  And don’t worry…you’ll get it!  You’re plenty smart…it doesn’t matter how long it takes you to understand…keep at it!

Don’t forget that a better sense of self esteem can change your life…dramatically!  Envision yourself more confident to accept any challenge that comes your way…I know it’s exasperating, but step up!  Life takes work so you might as well accept it and get it on!  Turn your ship right into the headwind and take it on! Each time you go to nourish yourself…mix yourself up a ‘smart shake’ and drop in a shot of esteem boost!