Interdependence Day!

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Interdependence is and ought to be as much the ideal of man as self -sufficiency. -Mohandas Gandhi (1869-1948), pre-eminent political and spiritual leader of the Indian Independence movement.

The inspiration for thought and emotion that life offers seems endless.  However, there is none more powerful and compelling than how people interact.  So many of our actions are inspired by other people, whether it be friends helping each other or even mortal enemies forcing each other into defensive action.

At times, this merry-go-round called life seems to be spinning at a very rapid rate.  A speed we’re able to keep most of the time,  yet also a pace that requires us to slow down to a snail’s pace to recover so that we can jump right back on.

We embrace the concept of retirement like the Holy Grail…the discovery of a time in our own life we can pull the throttle back and just relax for good.  We have visions of having someone else take care of us for a change!  We see it all the time especially in families where the children are now the care takers in a role reversal.

Certainly there are many who regret having to take care of anybody else. They’re wired like fans of Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged,  which declares the message that we should rely on no other to provide than ourselves. While I’m definitely a fan of this when it comes to a business attitude, there’s an inherent danger if we drift too far off shore and end up on our own little deserted island.

Ironically, this piece is being written during the Independence Day holiday in the United States. The celebration of a time when our founding fathers inspired their own separation from England’s control, yet think about how the U.S. is now very much aligned with that same country!  All of that struggle once upon a time ultimately set up a great relationship of interdependence,  much like many of our personal relationships.

This weekend of remembrance offered me an opportunity to slow down and enjoy some good weather.  We decided to go to an event oriented for the kids with games and jumping-machines-gone-wild.  As the parents of five kids, now old enough to be let off  the leash, we sat inside the building at the dinner table listening to a great band.  In front of us, there sat a father and son who both seemed locked in their individual thoughts,  they seemed to be worlds apart,  but I knew differently.

I had seen them in the buffet line earlier and knew that the boy had special needs. He needed his father’s assistance for almost anything and everything.  I mentioned to my wife what I had seen and this made us even more interested in their relationship.

As if on cue,  the son reached over to his father and wrapped his arm around his neck and tried to pull him closer.  The father tried to gently relax into the grasp even though it put him in an awkward position.  Very subtly,  he adjusted his chair so that his son could more fully grab him.  My written words could never do justice to this incredibly tender and special moment.

Suddenly everything had a new perspective.  After several minutes, the peace subsided and the dance of life was back on.  The son wanted to move around the room and take in all the stimulus, which in turn required the watchful eye and assistance of the father.  Also, this was no solo act by the father, the mother was also very much on the scene playing the same role.

Thankful for our own respite, we really enjoyed watching this show of unconditional love.  We could only imagine that at the end of each day,  these parents must literally crash into bed.  How do they have even a moment for themselves,  a chance to indulge their own wants and desires?  To be sure, those people have to pass on many things they would like to do.

However, doesn’t it make you wonder if they really know what we think about them?  Do they know that they are admired at the highest level?  Do they think that life on the other side of the fence is better, easier?  Do they know that there are many people that would trade a large bounty to just have that one moment of reciprocal love from someone they care about?

Well maybe this is a bit of a wake up call.  We certainly must continue the battle and provide for ourselves if we are able, because the truth is that nobody is coming to help us!  However, there are also plenty of others that need us. The worst place to be is on the deserted island of life,  but the great hope is that you don’t have to be.

Many of us struggle in family relationships and can only dream of what we’re talking about.  We fight like the early Americans for what we want.  We persevere through storms,  hoping that other people will change to conform with our vision for them.  If they would only just_______! …you fill in the blank.

We’re going about it all wrong.  What we should really be asking is,  ”what could I do differently to provoke a new and better reaction from other people?”  ”What could I change about me that might draw people closer to me?”  That’s easier said than done,  because on the surface it appears as if we’re moving away from our needs and personal goals.

However,  look back for a minute over the best times in life.  Were you humble?  Did you receive the true love and admiration of the people that mattered most to you?  Also, be real about this…were there times when you appeared victorious, yet deep inside you knew it was at the expense of others?  Beware of the Pyrrhic victories, those that come at terrible personal casualty.  To help you, remember the special needs boy and his father. Would you sacrifice so much for that one moment in time?  That’s the true celebration of Interdependence Day!