Suicidal Freedom?
Don’t give up, don’t ever give up. -Jim Valvano (Jimmy V 1946-1993), inspirational head coach of the NCAA champions, North Carolina State; well known for his 1993 ESPY Awards speech just eight weeks before he died of cancer.
What happens when you get exasperated? I mean really frustrated and exhausted at the same time. Those moments when you feel that you have put in your best effort, but ended up with nothing. What happens then? Do you call yourself useless? Is everything you once thought important rendered meaningless? Do you wonder whether your whole entire life has been an exercise in futility? That maybe the world would be better off without you, because you haven’t contributed or even made a dent? Does this spiraling vortex sweep you up into a state of depression where all seems hopeless?
September 11th Makes Me Think
This week I had the pleasure of visiting New York City for a real estate conference just days before September 11th, a significant day of rememberance not only there, but also the rest of the world. I had an obligation to lead a coaching call and charted a course to go in a deeper direction and try to root out some of the thoughts and pains that our group was struggling with. The call morphed into an amazing exercise in humility as many people began to bare their souls.
The tone was set by a friend of mine, who has emerged as a thought leader with a keen desire to warn his fellow members of the pitfalls that have stricken his business. He stands tall in his effort to let others know that to err is human and until you can admit that we are all a bunch of average Joes and Janes, you will forever be stuck putting on a false face of pride and pretending that all is well. But then something amazing happened…
A Cleansing Begins
The line became filled up with other callers wanting to go deeper. One member showed unbelievable fortitude as he talked about how he began to question everything when a few business issues went off track. Why had he allowed himself to be lead astray? Why had his spending gone awry? What was the meaning of all of this and why did it even matter? What was the worth of his entire existence?
Then the line was turned over to another member who had just experienced his own brother’s suicide. He was angry about it and had been seeking help to sort through all of the thoughts that he now struggled with. Even more painful, his family had said that if they had ever expected anyone to consummate that act, it would have been him and not his brother! What?! Why?!
False Thoughts And Expectations
I bet you have either found yourself at some low point or certainly known somebody who has completed the same act to end their suffering. So we must put it right on the table and confront it. No more beating around the bush because it’s beatable. We have thinking tools at our disposal every day that can protect us, so let’s organize them!
First of all, we have to begin to identify inaccurate thinking. It’s the stumbling block of the world! Why do we think what we do? Is it because somebody told us how to think? Are we behaving a certain way because we want to please those who have taught us? Think about how crazy and inaccurate that is. If my father and mother told me I should be an engineer tomorrow morning, would I compromise everything I feel in my heart. Would I shut off my passion to teach, to interpret, to write? How would I feel locked in a lab crunching numbers and creating algorithms? I’ll tell you. I’d feel like a prisoner. I’d feel broken and compromised. Forced to be somebody else, I’d be living a breathing death!
Killing Us Or The Pain
Put yourself in the same analysis. Are you living somebody elses’ image of you? Do you go through the motions everyday because you’re scared to live your dreams? Why do we even wonder why the use of drugs and alcohol have proliferated so much. Once compromised we need to kill the pain with something or how could we make it through the day. Then bang! Eventually we get so exasperated we want at the escape hatch…if we could only stop the pain and end it all! BUT there’s the exact spot where we don’t have to go haywire!
Why can’t we just stop the madness of pretending. Are you really for one second going to believe that causing your own death is easier than freeing yourself? What if on the other side of mental freedom your holy grail awaits? What if you just move in another direction and open a new door and everything you thought of is real! You can define your world! You’re not a prisoner after all! Who cares what anybody says about your choices? You’re free!
Emigrate To Freedom
I was reminded of this brilliant freedom in my country as I spoke to a group of immigrants who had arrived here very recently. I could see the hunger in their eyes. They wanted at it and some of them had already taken their piece. Two of them in particular had come to this country with nothing! Not even a stitch of the native tongue, but have already carved themselves off a wonderful slice of success. But more importanly, when I look in their eyes, I see freedom. There is no obvious heavy burden. They appreciate what they have and yearn for more! Their sails are filled with the wind of desire!
So if they could change their lives on a dime, why can’t any of us? So what if you have spent the majority of your life trying to please somebody elses’ dream for you and it turned out to be a flop! You should simply embrace that as evidence that perhaps that path is not for you. Don’t dare play the silly fool and stay committed to an absurd belief system that turns out to be erroneous or not right for you…move on! In these times it’s critical to reinvent yourself many times over to keep pace, and it’s okay! If you search the history of the Okinawans, some of the longest living people in the world, you’ll find they have enjoyed three to four different pathways in a life time! So remember to NEVER give in to inaccurate thinking and fall through the trap door because you always have hope!!
